


Yule tide Feasts and Fights

by CatOfLello



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: F/M, Feast, Food Fight, Lambert had too much to drink... Again, Yule, gwent, too much vodka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-03-12 20:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13555317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatOfLello/pseuds/CatOfLello
Summary: Yule at Kaer Morhen





	Yule tide Feasts and Fights

Winter was well underway. Northern winds swept the freshly fallen snow across the beaten path back to civilization and knocked snow from the heavily laden branches of pine trees surrounding the frozen lake. Not a creature stirred beside two people sitting huddled around an open hole in the ice, jigging their rods slowly, hoping to catch something for the feast that night. So far they haven’t even gotten so much as a nibble, it seemed even the fish was resting this holiday. 

‘Come on, fishy, fishy. Wake up’ Baldric mumbled pulling his sheepskin jacket tighter around himself. They had been out on the ice for what seemed like an eternity and he was more than content to head back to the castle without anything to show for his efforts. The cold made his arm ache and besides, they already had grouse and a large stag on the spit roasting and all kinds of other delicious foods, including casks of homebrew. Baldric’s stomach gurgled thinking about all of it and the food coma that would follow soon after. 

‘How much longer do we have to stay out here?’ the impatience grew inside of him while he thought about the warmth of the fireplace and the smells of food emanating from the sizable kitchens. 

‘Not much longer, I’m starting to think we’re shit out of luck. Maybe we’ll just cut down some sprigs of spruce and mistletoe as a consolation prize. Unless...’ Aleksandra scooped ice out from the hole with a large wooden spoon she had swiped from the kitchen. She then reached into a small wicker basket next to her, removed a bottle of liquid and dumped it into the hole. It reeked to high heaven of fermented fish and garlic making Baldric gag, he couldn’t stand the smell preserved or fermented fish. 

‘What the hell was that?’ he gagged

‘Liquid encouragement’ 

‘You mean to tell me I didn’t have to sit out here for hours freezing my balls off?’

“Would you rather be inside peeling sacks of potatoes while Lambert harps at you?’

‘No’

‘Then shut up’

It didn’t take long before the stinking bait began to work, Baldric’s rod tipped violently, making him jump into long-awaited action. Aleksandra had to chip away more of the ice from the edge of the hole to pull out the giant twenty-pound pike from the frozen depths. It flopped a couple of times then lay still on the ice, gulping for air. 

‘Haha! How about that!’ Baldric beamed with pride looking down at his monstrous catch.

‘Worth freezing your balls off for it, isn’t it? Come on, get your line back in the water. Bait still hasn’t worn off yet’ Aleksandra quickly dropped her line back into the hole. 

They continued pulling out fish until it began to get dark, mostly yellow perch and a couple smaller pike. Stowing away all of the fish into the wicker basket with the exception of the twenty-pound pike which was much too large to fit, they headed back to the castle whistling and joking merrily. Aleksandra stopped along the way and picked some mistletoe and spruce sprigs for the main hall. 

The courtyards were completely silent, the scent of roasting meat wafted through the cracks in the stone walls. Baldric’s stomach growled again. 

When they entered the hall the mouth-watering scent was stronger and much more delicious. The hall was mostly silent with the exception of shuffling around and the clatter of pots and the squeaking of the spit. They crossed the hall and entered the kitchen, Baldric was still grinning like an idiot. Unfortunately, they arrived back too early and there was still a pile of potatoes and carrots left to peel. Lambert looked up and let out a low whistle.

‘So Aleks, you finally caught the prick.’ said Lambert

‘Wasn’t me, that was all Baldric’s doing.’ she looked up at Baldric grinning then took the monstrous fish from him. ‘I’ll clean it though, Don’t trust you to cut out all the bones out it. Get peeling.’

‘Yeah… love you too.’ Baldric mumbled.

Baldric pulled up a stool across from Lambert and the bag of spuds and began peeling. He realized there was no one manning the spit, instead there was a miniature wooden wheel being driven by Eskel’s goat, Little Bleater. Unusually, Lambert sat in silence. Baldric had met him for the first time a couple of days ago and they had gotten off on the wrong foot. Luckily, the keep was large so staying out of Lambert’s way was easy. He cleared his throat, sitting up straight, looking directly at the silent witcher. 

‘Lambert, I wish to apologize-’ he began

‘Shut it’ snapped Lambert.

Baldric could feel the heat of Aleksandra's glare burn into the back of his head followed by the thump of the point of her knife stabbing into the wooden table top.

Lambert sat silently for a moment then snorted ‘Yeah, whatever it’s already forgotten but you are a pretentious prick. I have no idea what she fucking sees in you’ he stood picking up the clay bowl of freshly peeled potatoes. 

Baldric bowed his head and started peeling potatoes in silence.

Aleksandra muttered something under her breath.

*****************

The fire crackled in the large hearth with sprigs of spruce and other evergreen laid above it as the witchers sat down to a heavily laden table. Baldric’s stomach growled, he had tried snacking while they were cooking but between Aleksandra and Lambert, he had given him at least half a dozen new bruises from wooden spoons as he was shooed away. Eskel had been nice enough to swipe some cheese and bread before they played Gwent in the main hall. Neither one of them was very good at the game but it passed the time and kept them away from the bickering that always followed when Lambert and Aleksandra were trying to complete a task together. At least one could say there was never a dull moment. 

He had been hoping to meet the white wolf himself but he had been informed that Geralt now spends most of his time at his villa in Toussaint. It was just him, Aleksandra, Eskel and Lambert in the old ruin. They swapped stories between mouthfuls of food, told jokes and reminisced. It had been years, possibly decades since Baldric had had such a wonderful evening. Lambert had cheered up after the fourth mug of his famous homebrew vodka and decided to pick on Eskel instead of him.

After Eskel and Aleksandra went in search of more pastries and vodka, Lambert stumbled over to Baldric’s side and threw an arm around his shoulders causing him to jump.

‘Bald dick... Baldric… bud. I like you know that right?’ he squinted and clapped him on the shoulder ‘I’m a prick. I know that. But listen bud, I swore to my friend… my best friend’ he paused for a moment ‘that I would look after her if anything happened to him. And something did happen.’ he paused again with a downcast look before squinting back up at Baldric. ‘She’s like my niece and I fucking love her. If you ever hurt her, I’ll find you and fucking kill you. Dead.’ he lifted his mug to his lips and tried to drink the last drop from it. Baldric sat in silence, frozen stiff. He knew all this already. ‘But… your-you’re alright. A pompous ass that’s for sure. But you’re alright.’ 

They heard the door from the cellar open and Lambert quickly removed his arm from Baldric’s shoulders and whispered in his ear. ‘Shhh… don’t tell anyone I said that shit.’ 

‘Lambert! We leave for a minute and you’re already trying to seduce Baldric. He’s already got his hands full.’ Eskel grinned thumping the fresh cask on the table.

Lambert glared at him then squinted and jabbed a finger at Baldric’s chest.

‘Yeah, every night he’s got his hands full of something. Don’t think I can’t hear that shit. You grunt like a...’

‘Dying griffin?’ Eskel chimed in

‘I was going to say Basilisk but that’s good enough’ the wolves howled with laughter.

Baldric flushed bright red and quickly tried to hide it by taking a drink, Alcohol had always made him flush and he had a much more difficult time concealing his embarrassment. 

‘Hey now, you two play nice. It’s more like a wounded wyvern’ Aleksandra chimed in sliding a plate piled high with cheese, cakes and sweets. The wolves roared louder and Lambert slapped his open palm on the table. 

‘Thanks Aleks, appreciate it.’ Baldric said dryly serving himself more vodka and grabbing a cake from the platter. 

She walked over to him put her arms around his neck and kissed him on his hot cheek. ‘You know I jest. It’s the sexiest wounded wyvern I’ve ever heard.’ 

Baldric glared at her through the corner of his eye and grinned before smearing the iced cake all over her face. 

This small act of revenge ended up triggering a full-scale food fight, Lambert “avenged” Aleksandra by jamming a cake in Baldric’s face rather forcefully, Eskel threw an empty mug at Lambert trying to get him to stop choke holding Baldric but hit Aleksandra instead. A witcher food war was waged that night, take no prisoners. Tables and bookcases were flipped and used as forts. Food was thrown about the hall splattering the walls, tables and pillars. At some point, someones boot and some books went careening over Eskel’s flipped table accompanied by a cry of “Study this!”. When they had finally run out of ammunition they all broke down laughing. Baldric was taking shelter behind the same table as Aleksandra, he loved hearing her laugh like this, it didn’t happen very often. Their eyes met and she threw her arms around his neck.

‘You have something on your cheek, let me get that for you.’ she leaned forward and licked her finger before sticking it in his ear making him shriek. He grabbed her wrists, holding them far away from him as she squirmed to free herself and kissed her till Aleksandra stopped squirming. Then he licked her face while she tried to get away. 

‘Revenge is sweet isn’t it?’ he smiled his face still covered in bright coloured icing

‘That’s so gross Baldric’ she whined trying to wipe off his saliva with the neck of her soiled shirt.

‘And sticking your finger in my ear isn’t?’

‘Yeah, I had that coming’

‘You’re damn right you did’

*************

The next day they found little bleater feasting on the food scattered all over the hall. Lambert was still passed out next to an overturned bookcase with one barefoot, using a copy of “the illustrated guide of insectoids” as a pillow and more books and scrolls covering him like a blanket. Eskel was barely sitting up straight in his seat chewing on a piece of bread and choking down a mug of ale watching little bleater do her thing. He was thinking of how much trouble they would be in if Vesimir was still around. Aleksandra and Baldric were still asleep curled up in each other's arms behind one of the overturned tables, drool streaming from her mouth all over Baldric’s shoulder. 

“This always happens when they get together.” Eskel thought his head pounding. “At least Geralt wasn’t here then it would have really been a shit show... “ he looked up at the chandelier hanging in the centre of the hall. “Are those?” he squinted. “Yup, those are Lambert’s clothes.” he sighed and took another swig of ale. ‘Happy Yule, little buddy’ he mumbled to his goat then lifted his mug in a toast before groaning, laying his head on his folded arms. 


End file.
